Plot? What Plot?
by Digitaldreamer
Summary: Life with the Keyblade Master is interesting. Watch the insane happenings that happen around the Keyblade Master, and to those around him! (Series of One Shots)
1. Agent 007 and a half: Sora

**- Plot? What plot? -**

**- By Digitaldreamer –**

**- Insane story one- Agent 007 and a half: Sora -**

Umm…Hi guys;;; Yes, yes, I know, you guys want Broken Rainbow right? I –really- want to type it, but you see, I got a new computer. Now, all of my Broken Rainbow stuff, the chapter I was working on, the plot outline, everything is on my old computer. So until I can get my stuff, the next chapter of Broken Rainbow is a no go.

(_Auron whacks Crys over head in his customary fashion. "Of course, we wouldn't be stuck on a seemly permanent cliffhanger if –someone- hadn't spent her entire ungrounded summer reading Lord of The Rings fics!" "…Oh hush.."_ )

So until then, I figure I'll start my other series. What are these series? "Plot, what plot!?" Basically, it's a collection of short little KH stories. Some of em might be humorous, some might be a bit more serious, and me being me, there will be some angsty ones. Many will star Sora, but you can bet several will star the FF characters, seeing as now that I've played some of their games I feel far more attached to them. Hey, maybe if you all review enough I'll make a Riku one.

(_Auron snorts. "And perhaps I will begin to wear pink bunny ears." "Shut up you.")_

So yeah, let's begin with the first of the craziness!

* * *

(Suggested listening music would be the Mission Impossible theme XDDDD) 

The rain pattered against the cobblestone streets of Traverse Town. Thunder boomed. Any person with any brains was inside, unless those said brain cells had already been drowned.

Now, Leon (Squall, some called him, before they were murdered in an extremely painful way) Leonhart was one of those with brains, therefore he was inside the small house, sitting in a chair, polishing his Gunblade.

It should be noted that the small house really wasn't so small anymore. He and Cid had gotten a bit drunk (To Aerith's extreme disapproval) and they had knocked down a few walls (Which Aerith has disapproved of even more..) and they discovered there was a lot of empty space there. Cid, being the chain-smoking (Aerith disapproved of this as well) crazy building person that he was, decided to pretty much remodel the small house, taking all that extra space discovered during the destruction of the walls, and making it into various rooms. So now instead of a tiny bedroom place, they had a living room, a kitchen, and a giant upstairs with rooms for everyone. (Aerith approved for this, which made up for all her previous disapprovals)

So anyway, Leon was polishing his gunblade, admiring its sharp pointy-ness. No man, at least back in Hallow Bastion and here in Traverse Town, was a true man unless they had something sharp and pointy and knew how to do some decent damage with it. This is why that fat guy, who stands by the door in the first distract to the third distract, this is why his gender is disputable, because the sharpest, pointiest thing he owns is a toothpick. This is also why that man lives in his mother's basement…yes, moving on.

Leon squinted at his reflection in the blade, not quite sure it was shiny enough, when he was distracted by a crimson and blue-jeaned blur rushing past him, humming something extremely loudly.

"Da da dun, dun dun. Da da dun, dun dun..Da da DUN DUN DUN!"

The leather-clad man looked up from his inspection of shiny-ness, one thought passing through his mind. "What the HELL?"

He looked back to see Sora sneaking along the wall, clad in a red hoodie and a baggy pair of blue jeans. (His change of outfit was due to the fact that he was one of those lacking brains who chose to go outside.) He also wore a pair of over-sized sunglasses, and a super soaker was clutched in his hands, and was humming the mission-impossible theme so loudly whatever type of stealth he was attempting was failing miserably.

"Da da dun, dun dun. Da da dun, dun da dun dun…"

It was then that Yuffie chose to walk out of the kitchen, passing the fourteen-year old, whom let out a gasp and pressed himself against the wall.

"Da da DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN…"

The female ninja raised a brow as she stopped and stared at him. "..Sora? The hell?"

"GAH! I'VE BEEN SPOTTED! ABORT MISSION!" Sora promptly pointed his weapon at the girl and shot her in the face with a blast of icy water.

"ACK!" Yuffie sputtered, attempting to shield her face with her hands. The Keyblade Master took this chance and bolted back up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

Leon blinked, rising from his seat and setting down his weapon as he walked over to the soaked ninja.

"That little….when I get him..grrr…" Yuffie muttered, shaking her head in an attempt to get it dry.

"What was _that_ all about?" Leon inquired, raising a brow.

The ninja sighed, turning to him. "He's been like this all day, insane."

"…what'd he eat?"

"One of Cids 'cookies'."

"…..aw shit." Oh yes, Leon recalled the last time anyone besides Cid had eaten what the veteran pilot called 'food'. The dreaded "Noodle incident", as they referred to it, was something that would haunt Leon's mind for the rest of his days…

"I just don't get it, Cid eats them and he's fine."

"He's been eating them his entire life, he's immune to it."

"I see. Well, either way, we've managed to prevent any serious damage…but..Aerith made cookies too. I really don't want to see the results of that much sugar combined with the effects of Cid's 'cooking'."

Leon considered the scene for a moment. The house in flames, bodies everywhere, spray paint on the wall…….noodles….he shuddered.

"You're right, we have to keep Sora away from those cookies, no matter what."

* * *

Sora pressed himself against his door, eavesdropping upon Yuffie and Leon's conversation. He whipped out a tape recorder and turned it on, and began to speak into it. 

"This is Agent **007 and a half**, Sora. I escaped, but they know I'm here now. They're sending enemy agents after me. I'll have to be more careful. But I have no time to worry for my own safety. **Operation: Get Cookie** _will_ prevail!"

With this said, Sora thrust open the door, Super Soaker in hand, and dove across the hallway into the open doorway to Yuffies room. Just as he entered, Leon turned around, unknowingly just missing view of **Agent 007 and a _half_**.

"Yuffie, his door's open! GO!" Both of the enemy agents surged into what they didn't know was an enemy room.

**Agent 007 and a half** smirked. "The agents fell for it…" He whispered into the tape recorder. "I'm heading down!"

He sped out of the room and jumped onto the banister of the stairs, sliding down it, humming the mission impossible theme quietly. He landed with a soft thump, wincing at the sound. Sora jumped back, throwing open a closet door and stuffing himself inside it and shutting it just as Yuffie came down the stairs.

"…he's not down here Squall!" **Agent 007 and a half** heard the enemy agent call up the stairs to her partner. He allowed himself to grin, in spite of being smushed against the vacuum cleaner and a broom.

The agent eased open the closet, looking back and forth, and then darted across the hallway to a wall. Pressing himself against the green striped wallpaper, he began to creep along the wall, towards the room where his target was held.

Sora peeked his head around the frame of the kitchen and beheld his goal within sight! A tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, sitting on the table, cooling. **Agent 007 and a half** smirked, holding the tape recorder to his mouth. "Target in sight. Appears to be freshly baked, chocolate chip, and delicious. I'm going in!"

The Keyblade Master threw himself upon the ground and began to army crawl over the linoleum floor, inching slowly towards the kitchen table in the center of the room. Closer….closer……..almost there….

Sora sprang to his feet, his grin widening, he reached his hand down for one of the chocolate chip spheres of wonder….

There was a shuffling sound and a feminine hand tapped Sora on the shoulder. **Agent 007 and a half **winced.

"Ahem….Sora, I do believe we made it clear you weren't to have any of these yet?"

The Keyblade Master turned, expression stony. He was silent.

Aerith beamed at him. "Come on Sora, you can have a cookie later." She persuaded gently.

"AGENT SCUM!" Sora shrieked. "TASTE THE WRATH OF MY HIGH TECH SPY GEAR OF DOOM!" With that, Sora squirted the flower girl with his super soaker, grabbed the entire tray of cookies and ran for it.

Aerith gave a small cry of surprise, then yelled out "Leon! Yuffie! Now!"

Both Yuffie and Leon jumped into the kitchen, armed with supersoakers of their own. Sora skidded to a stop.

"So….think you have me, eh?" Sora grinned. "Wrong! No one defeats **Agent 007 and a half**!! If I can't have the cookies, neither can you!" He dropped the tray of cookies, and pointed the super soaker at the cookies. SPLOOOOSSSHHH! He emptied all of the remaining water onto the cookies. "What do you say to that?"

Leon and Yuffie looked at each other. Yuffie grinned. "Time to die **Agent 007 and a half**!!" She cried, pumping her own super soaker and hitting Sora squarely in the chest.

"GAAAHHH!" Sora fell to his knees. "I'VE BEEN HIT! EVERYTHING IS GOING DARK…gaaahhhh.." He flopped over in the manner of a fish out of water and twitched.

**Agent 007 and a half: Sora**

**Mission****: Get cookie.**

**Satus: Failed. **

* * *

**The End**

Heh. So whatcha guys think? Review! I'll take suggestions for future craziness!

(Crys walks off, humming Mission Impossible theme)

**-D i g i t a l d r e a m e r -**


	2. Doodle

**- P L O T ? W H A T P L O T ? –**

**- By Digitaldreamer –**

**- Plot-less chapter two: Doodle –**

Yes, I have returned, once again lacking the chapter of Broken Rainbow you're all waiting for. (Dad always says he'll hook up the old comp "tomorrow". Apparently tomorrow never comes.) But I come with some random Kingdom Hearts drabble, huzzah!

(_"Your readers look ready to maul you." Auron dryly points out. "Oh hush, it's cute, they'll like it." Crys replies, an immobile grin on her face as she faces the readers, hoping her ultra happy façade will prevent her murder._)

Enjoy guys!

* * *

An eight year old Kairi sat beneath a palm tree, a notebook balanced on her knees. She happily scrawled upon it with a small pink pencil, short red hair blowing in the salty breeze. She looked up from the paper for a second, smiled, then focused her attention upon it once more.

Meanwhile, on Paupu Island, both Sora and Riku stood across from each other, grinning, wooden swords in hand.

"Ready?" A nine-year old Riku asked, shifting into his fighting stance.

"Ready!" An eight-year old Sora replied, doing the same.

Riku smirked. "I'm gonna kick your butt again!" He cried, a friendly challenge in his eyes.

"Not this time!" Sora called back, his eyes mirroring Rikus.

"Okay then. Ready..." Riku repeated.

"Set..." Sora continued.

A breeze blew across the "battle field", blowing sand into the air. A perfect setting, calm before the storm.

"GO!" Both boys cried, leaping at each other.

There was a _CLUNK!_ sound as the wooden swords came together. Sora jumped back as Riku jumped up, bringing down his wooden sword upon the spot where Sora had been standing. Narrowed aqua eyes glared playfully at sapphire ones before Riku jumped back to dodge Sora's swing. He landed several feet away and held out his weapon in a block, smirking.

"What are you afraid of!?" He taunted.

Sora stood glaring for a moment, then smirked as well. "Nothing!" He cried, charging foreword, swinging madly. Riku managed to block the first few strikes, but the younger boy soon overtook him and Riku took several blows to the chest, knocking him to the ground.

"Riku! Are you okay!?" Sora asked, running up to him.

Riku grinned. "Just fine!" He said, throwing himself back up into a kick, both feet knocking into Sora's stomach. Sora gave a cry of pain as he was knocked into the sand.

Kairi was humming to herself and smiling, tearing a piece of paper out of the notebook. Her head snapped up as Sora's cry reached her ears.

Sora growled, pushing himself to his feet. "I forgot about that move."

Riku smirked. "Giving up already?"

Sapphire eyes narrowed. "No! Come on!" Sora snapped, charging forward, unleashing a combo on his rival. Riku jumped back, blocking and swinging at Sora, only to be blocked as well.

Kairi jumped to her feet, running across the bridge to Paupu Island, bare feet pattering on the wood. "STOP!" She shrieked, waving her arms, short red hair trailing behind her. "Please don't fight! Stop, St-Ah!" The wind blew, tearing the piece of paper from her hand and blowing it away.

Both boys looked up at her cry to see her standing on the bridge shouting. "My picture!" She cried, small tears forming in her eyes. The small piece of paper was twirling in the wind, falling off the bridge and towards the ocean.

In an instant Sora had flung himself from the edge of the island, grasping for the paper. He swung once and missed, twice, Got it! His grin as he caught the picture slowly became a look of fear as the shallow water below him rushed up to meet his face. He shut his eyes, bracing himself. _Kairi's__ picture!_ He thought despairingly.

Suddenly his descent stopped. The brunette cracked open one eye to see the ocean still below him and heard someone straining above him. He blinked as he was hauled back onto the island by his feet and landed on the sand. Sora blinked up at Riku, whom was kneeling and panting.

"Stop jumping offa' things, you're gettin' too heavy, I can't keep catching you!" Riku said, grinning playfully. Sora grinned back.

Kairi ran up to the boys. "Are you guys alright!?" She asked, eyes wide and tearful.

Sora grinned up at her. "Never better!"

Kairi nodded, face turning stern…as stern as an eight-year old could look anyway. "Good! You guys better _never ever_ fight again!"

Riku blinked. "..Fight?"

"Yes!"

Both boys stared at her, looking confused, before it dawned on them. "Ohhhhh, you thought we were _fighting_!" Riku said.

"…You mean you weren't?" Kairi asked, blinking innocently.

Sora fell back onto the sand, laughing. "No!" He cried between laughs. Riku stared at Sora before laughing as well.

"She…she thought we were….FIGHTING!" He snorted.

Kairi glared at them. "It's not funny! I was worried about you two!"

"Sorry Kairi!" Sora snickered. "We were sparring. Huge difference!"

"..really?"

Riku grinned. "Yeah!"

"Oh..well…promise me you'll never _really_ fight, okay!?"

"Alright, alright."

"Sure."

"Promise me!"

"Alright, I promise."

"Me too."

Kairi smiled. "..Good…"

Sora nodded, looking down at the piece of paper in his hand, slightly crinkled. "Oh, Kairi! I got your picture!" He said with a grin, uncrinkling it. Riku looked at it and wrinkled his nose slightly.

"..What is it?"

Kairi grinned. "It's us! See, that's you, Riku!" She pointed to the largest stick figure with short hair, smiling and wearing dark shorts and a T-shirt. "That's Sora!" She pointed to a shorter stick figure, with several spikes of hair and lighter shorts, also smiling. "And that's me!" She pointed to the shortest figure in the middle, with hair about the length of Riku's and wearing a skirt. She was smiling too. "And I put a big heart around us and wrote Best Friends forever! See, we're all happy!" She said with a smile.

Sora grinned. "It's great!"

Riku nodded. "Yeah!"

Kairi giggled. "I knew you'd like it!" She cocked her head to the side, placing the picture on the sand. "Can we best friends forever, like in the picture?"

Riku looked over at Sora, whom was already grinning. They both nodded and put their hands on the picture.

"Yeah. Best friends forever."

* * *

Awes, wasn't that cute!?

(_Auron just rolls his eyes, Crys grins evilly at him._)

Yes guys, the next Broken Rainbow chapter _is_ coming! Be patient!

Read and Review!

**- D I G I T A L D R E A M E R -**


	3. Shopping Ninja

- P L O T W H A T P L O T?-

-By: Digitaldreamer-

-Plotless junk number three: Shopping Ninja-

Psshttt. And you all thought you were actually going to get a Broken Rainbow chapter this week.

(_Auron rolls his eyes. "Perhaps it would be wise to stop taunting your readers." Crys chuckles. "Oh hush, it's not like they can hurt me." "…fine, when they show up on your doorstep to kill you, don't blame me."_)

On the bright BR side, I drew pictures of the outfits Sora and Kairi are going to wear for the remainder of BR. Take a look

http :www. deviantart. com / deviation / 11671591 / Remove the spaces to see Sora's.

http :www. deviantart. com / deviation / 11671649 / Remove the spaces to see Kairi's.

Sooo…um...this one stars Yuffie and Leon Hope you guys like it!

* * *

Squall Leonhart never wanted to go on another shopping trip again. Never again. He would never step foot in another shop ever again for the rest of his life. He would rather have his Gunblade broken into pieces, the Heartless take over, and be forced to sit through "Garfield: The Movie" for the rest of eternity with his eyes taped open then go shopping again after this experience.

Oh, it had started out simply enough. He had been having a fine day before all this. He had woke up early, gone to the secret water way and trained for a bit, then gone back to the small house and eaten a small breakfast made by Aerith while polishing his Gunblade. He had been watching a special about swords on tv when Aerith had asked the question that as fate would have it, was destined to ruin his nice day.

"Leon, could you go to the forth distract and get me a few things?"

The man winced, feeling his good day crack, snap, and shatter with those fourteen small words. He could also feel the tiny shards of his would be good day falling around him and hitting the floor as well as sharp pieces of the good day hitting random people and killing them. "…um…sure…" Leon called back.

Aerith smiled as she came into the living room, seemingly oblivious to Leon's slightly bummed tone. Then again, Leon's bummed tone was the same tone he used when he was happy, angry, bored, or confused, so no wonder she didn't notice. "Alright then, I just need you to go shopping for a couple things, it shouldn't take you very l-"

She was interrupted when a green, yellow, black and skin colored blur rushed down the stairs and perched onto the couch, taking the form of Yuffie. "Did someone say s_hopping_!?" She asked with the grin of someone who may or may not be high. Leon seriously wondered if she smoked whatever Cid was smoking, but Aerith had assured him she only ate lots of sugar and drank much caffeine. He still didn't fully believe her, maybe she was partaking in this smoking too…it would explain her being so dang calm and nice all the time..oh wait, getting off track here.

Anyway, Aerith nodded. "Yes, Leon is going to the forth distract to get me a few things…"

Yuffie's eyes sparkled. "_Really_!?" She immediately vaulted over the couch and latched onto Leon. "Oh-my-gosh-Sqaull-can-I-come-please-please-please!?" She yelled, all in one breath, into Leon's ear.

Leon's eye twitched. Yup, could definantly feel the shards of his good day coming back to stab his eyes out. "I don't think s-"

"Of course!" Aerith interrupted him with a smile.

"But-"

Aerith jabbed Squall in the ribs, Yuffie didn't notice. "Leon would _love_ to take you with him _wouldn't you Leon_!?"

Leon gave a glare that spoke of a very painful death involving her innards getting ripped out and strewn all over the floor. "..yeah….sure…"

Yuffie gave a squeal of delight. "Don't worry! I'll find everything! I'm a shopping _ninja_!"

Aerith cheerfully handed Leon a list of things to buy and rather forcefully shoved the disgruntled man and the squealing girl out the door.

The shards of that good day were definantly determined to impale Leon and slowly torture him.

* * *

The forth distract of Traverse Town was very new, only recently having been built. It was basically a large square, and at the center of that square was a _very_ large building with neon signs all over it that said things like "Welcome to the Traverse Town mall!" and "Brand new Mega potions! Buy one now!" and "Buy used Panties!" Wait….never mind the last one. Anyway, many new people that came to Traverse Town set up shops there, meaning you could find just about anything at the mall.

Leon hated the mall with the hatred of a thousand smoldering suns.

Yuffie bounded around, looking into shop after shop and piling things into Leon's arms, the man was sure half of the items weren't even on Aerith's list.

"Yuffie, Aerith didn't ask for ten gallons of mountain dew!" Leon cried as she rushed past.

"Yeah I know, this is for me!"

Leon groaned. "…Why me?" It was then that Yuffie hauled him into a shop he never wanted to see the interior of.

"Garnet's Girl's Paradise."

The man's eyes widened as he looked around. _Everything_ was a shade of pink, purple, yellow, light blue or light green. There were cute kitties placed here and there, bows, pictures of girls posing in long flared jeans, flowers…..Leon shuddered.

Yuffie grinned. "I know, isn't this the best place _ever_!? Aerith and I come here all the time, it's so great it just gives you the chillies!"

Leon twitched. "..Yeah….the chillies……sure…"

It was then that Leon was hauled through the nightmare that was "Yuffie clothes shopping."

"Squall, what do you think, does this make me look fat?" Yuffie inquired, wearing a yellow tube top and a short green skirt.

"The name is Leon.." Leon snapped through clenched teeth.

Yuffie grinned. "You're right, it's perfect." She skipped back in to the changing room.

"What about this?" She asked, coming back in what you would recognize as Rikku's outfit from FFX-2. "Does _this_ make me look fat?"

Leon was starting to zone out. "Huh? Yeah..sure.."

Yuffie's eyes widened. "Are you saying I'm **_fat_**?!"

Leon blinked. "Huh!? No!"

"You think I'm fat don't you!?"

"No!"

"Oh my God I'm fat I can't believe I never noticed!" Yuffie's eyes widened, tear-filled and she ran back into the dressing-room.

Leon blinked again. "…women." He muttered, shaking his head.

After spending what seemed to Leon to be a horrendous amount of money on clothes, the pair left the shop, only to enter yet _another_ store Leon really didn't want to see.

The Lingerie Shop.

"Uh..Yuffie…" Leon mumbled, a blush creeping onto his face. "I really don't think Aerith asked us to get this…"

"Oh hush." Yuffie replied, holding up multi-colored pairs of panties. "I need more panties! Besides, these are cute!" She smiled at one pair that she held up, then frowned. "I'm not sure if it will fit me though…" With that, she threw the other piars of panties she was planning on buying at Leon and ran to the dressing room. Leon caught them, blinking slightly.

It was then that a pair of teenage girls happened to spot the leather-clad, highly muscular man standing in a womans panties aisle, holding multi-colored pairs of panties in his black gloved hands.

"..Like…what are you doing here?" The blonde one asked.

Leon opened his mouth hurriedly to explain but the brunette stopped him.

"Like, Oh My God, he's probably buying them for his girlfriend…"

"Awwww, how sweet.."

Leon's eyes widened. "No, that's not it-"

"Then what are you doing in a woman's panties aisle!?" The Blonde demanded.

The brunette whispered something into the blondes ear, then both girls glared at Leon.

"We won't allow you to be in this store just to satisfy your underwear fetish you perv!"

The man's eyes widened. "What!?"

"Yeah, like, Get out of here you pervert!"

"But I'm just-"

Both girls began to wave their arms and scream thing's like "Get out you pervert!" Their yelling attracted other girls, whom began to join in. Some began to arm themselves with panties and fling them at Leon. Shielding his head from the underwear, Leon did what any man would do in this situation. He ran away screaming like a little girl.

Awhile later Yuffie found Leon standing next to a fountain panting. "Oh, there you are Squall!" She said cheerfully. "Too bad you left, there were a lot of nice girls there saying they drove away some pervert with an underwear fetish, you should have seen it!"

Leon glared at her. The ninja, oblivious, grabbed Leon's arm and pulled him along.

And of course, just to make Leon's day, they had to visit yet another stop that wasn't on Aerith's list.

The Make-up Shop.

"Squall, what do you think, does this eye shadow bring out the color in my eyes?" Yuffie asked, putting on some dark eye shadow.

Leon twitched. "It's _Leon_."

Yuffie nodded. "You're right, it's too dark."

While she busied herself with the lipstick, Leon prepared to make a run for it. But as luck would have it, the teenage girls from the lingerie store were there.

"Like _Oh My GAWD_, it's the pervert!" The blonde shrieked.

"Like, yeah! Let's see if he likes Make-up as much as he likes panties!" The brunette cried, arming herself with lipstick.

Leon watched as the various women in the shop picked up various items and began advancing on him, save for Yuffie, whom was oblivious. He whimpered.

The women leapt forward with the collective battle cry of "GET THE PERVERT!" Leon narrowly managed to escape with smudges of dark purple lipstick covering his face, blush dumped all over his jacket, and his eyelashes covered in mascara. He washed his face in the fountain and twitched.

"Alright, that's it. When Yuffie comes back, we're leaving, and I am _never_ going shopping _ever_ again." He stated darkly.

Yuffie eventually came out, make-up in a bag. "There you are!" She said cheerfully.

Leon stood up and opened his mouth, about to say they were leaving.

The ninja smiled and grabbed Leon's arm, pulling him along. "C'mon, let's visit the weapons shop next!"

Leon blinked. "Weapons?"

Yuffie grinned. "Yeah!"

Leon thought for a moment. _I do like sharp shiny things…_

Leon decided just a bit more shopping wouldn't kill him.

* * *

Heh. I think that was pretty amusing, don't you guys think so?

(Auron raises a brow. "If you even consider taking me shopping, I will kill you." Crys grins evilly at him.)

Alright guys, read and review, and if you have any suggestions for future PWP's, tell me!

**- D i g i t a l d r e a m e r-**


End file.
